Video te iam, nisi

My 11-year-old son just used Google Translate to make the joke that the motto on our family crest should be the Latin for “I see your point, but…”

By their fruits you shall etc

Checker at Lowe’s: “That’s a sweet dog you have. Is he a terrier?”

Me: “Yeah, we think he’s some kind of ter—“

Jack: “He’s a Bearded Orwellian Snatchhound.”

The lies I tell my children may be catching up to me.

Bonding

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While his little sister gets pound-for-pound stronger than both of us combined.

I believe that's the literal German translation

I took myself to the ER at 2:00 this morning for what I thought was appendicitis and turned out to be a 4mm kidney stone. A few thousand bucks and a breathtaking shot of dilaudid later, I was home and napping. While I slept, my son snuck a get-well card onto my nightstand.

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Dear Dad,

I know you are in a lot of pain right now and Mom said you're going to have a "peenis migrane," and I hope you get well soon so we can play together again.